Behind the Mask of Life.

The month of November is often associated with remembering and the older you become, the more memories you store.


 I was particularly moved by a recent photo circulating on  facebook depicting an old man with his shadow demonstrating his youth.

Such a powerful and poignant photo as it allows us to see the person behind the age. The real person behind the mask of advancing years.


Too often we place people in categories such as 'the youth', 'the elderly', 'the middle aged' and we do not stop to think about the actual person.




In this month of remembering, I am reminded of my working years as a health visitor. As part of this role I occasionally visited  'the elderly' who had had full and rich lives but who were incapacitated by age. Behind the mask of age were untold stories of creativity, support and friendships and most had lived lives that were full of meaning and usefulness in society.

I worked with 'the youth' in schools and in the community who were being formed to take up their role in society. A role that sadly was distorted in some young persons by parents and carers at an age when their personality was developing.


I worked mainly with new parents and saw behind the mask they used to face the world. A mask that could hide the anxieties, problems and difficulties associated with the vastly important role of child rearing.


I was so privileged to share in the lives of many people of different ages but I was aware that we all share the same needs, wants and expectations in life.




We live for such a short time and each one of us is important to the growth and advancement of the world. Shakespeare wrote 'all the world is a stage and we are merely players', we only allow parts of our selves to be visible to others. So let us remember to look beyond the masks, to hear the stories of life and of the individual.

What shadow would I reflect? I hope it is one of help and support and of having made a difference in the lives of those I have met.

Take a Breath!

I thought retirement was meant to be full of rest and  relaxation.Well none of that for us, we haven't stopped still
since John retired and sometimes the days are blurred as we speed through like a whirlwind. But we are enjoying our new found life and there will be ample time for R and R  in the future.



We celebrated the wedding of our daughter in May. A truly wonderful day, marked with happiness, lots of love and good weather. As a small child I learnt, through the catholic catechism, that 'God is love'. I have come to understand, after a long journey, that God is in all love, whether they be heterosexual or homosexual relationships. I recognised this love that day and wish them a long and happy 'marriage'.

Continuing on the wedding theme, my youngest daughter is getting married next year to her childhood sweetheart. She met him at school 11 years ago and he proposed to her last year. She has already chosen the venue, photographers and most importantly - has chosen and ordered her wedding dress.

The caravan we bought is proving to be one of the best purchases we have made. We travel to Wales frequently now and have spent many happy days either on our own or with visiting family. I am sure I am energised and revitalised by the greenery and the mountains as soon as I cross the border. We walk for miles and try to swim daily, that should keep us fit in retirement.

The scenery never ceases to amaze me and I have painted my first oil painting which is of the Headland around the bay. I have plenty other scenes and sites that I would like to capture on canvas and hopefully sell to other owners on the site. With this in mind I have started to develop a web page where anyone may browse or buy - http://essellart.moonfruit.com/ 
I will upload more paintings here when they are completed.

Finally, we have put our house up for sale. Inevitably now there is only the two of us, we are looking to downsize and move areas as we are no longer tied to workplace nor schools. We don't mind if the new house is in need of a bit of renovation or 'ready to move in'. We will probably look to buy a bungalow so that we won't need to be moving again in the future.



What was I saying about R and R? We already have major stress factors in our lives - weddings and house moves. 
Bring it on!!
And breathe!

R and R?

Having considered numerous options, we have finally bought a caravan in West Wales. It has all the necessary mod cons and sleeps up to eight people so John and I will have more than enough space. It is sited on a family site and has a private fishing pond, is next to the sea and has a private gym. The surrounding area is beautiful with Cardigan Bay on one side and the Snowdon mountain range on the other. We intend to take our bikes and use the numerous coastal cycle paths. It is ideal now that John has retired and we no longer are tied to working days.

Minor problem at the moment though. To celebrate John's retirement, most of our family spent a weekend break at Centre Parcs which was really enjoyable, however when I was playing badminton, I jarred my knee and it is still sore. I have reached the stage where my mind is a lot younger than my body, but as the months go on I'm sure I will get back into all those activities on offer.


Last week we took the grandchildren to the caravan and is was wonderful to have an excuse to try the activities that we wouldn't normally try. We had a lovely, albeit it, tiring time with them. Next week we are in London for a couple of days as one of my daughters bought us a gift experience for Christmas. So we will be cruising the Thames and having dinner one evening. I thought retirement was to rest but we have not stopped and there is no sign of a rest anytime soon!!



The following week we will be in Birmingham as our daughter, Alex, is having a civil wedding ceremony with her partner Kate. We went with her when she had a fitting for her wedding dress and needless to say, she looked stunning.



In between all this activity, I am still sewing and painting. The links to some of these are via https://sites.google.com/site/essellartandcrafts/  John has started to make his fly fishing hooks and I have been painting fish in water colours to accompany them.

Okay so my knee hurts, my hips are sore and I'm not sure what day it is but I quite like life in  retirement. I haven't found the R and R yet though!!

Taking Stock

As I sit here typing, the early signs of spring are appearing and I cast my mind back and remember the wonderful cruise we took in December to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. It couldn't have been more perfect. On the day of my birthday we were in Tortola in the Caribbean, a beautiful and lush island. We toured the island then spent the day on the white sandy beach. A wonderful start to celebrate a new decade, a new chapter in life. I have this poster on the wall in my dining room that currently doubles as my sewing and art room, to remind me of this day. This was my view from the sunbed and every time I look at it now, it helps me to relax and in those dimmer periods, puts life back into perspective.

Life will change yet again and so, as I enter a new decade in life, it is time to take stock, to look at possibilities, to reappraise our circumstances and expectations.My husband John is also retiring in one week and he already has his hobbies and projects lined up to keep him occupied. He hopes to design and create fly fishing hooks and sell them alongside my crafts at summer fetes. He also aims to rediscover his woodwork skills to make bird boxes and garden ornaments. In the short term I continue to be busy with my sewing and painting, some of which you can view via the links on my web page at https://sites.google.com/site/essellartandcrafts/ 

I heard recently that the husband of my best friend in my teen years has sadly died at the young age of sixty one. Like us, they had been married for forty years, unlike us, they are unable to enter their new decade together. As John and I walk this new path, I thank God for our past life and entrust Him with our future life. Maybe we can only plan so much and do not know what is around the corner but in the meantime, we stride out together.


If being '60' is the new '40' then bring on middle age!!

My Brother John

My brother John

You have always been a part of my life, from me being born to growing old.

I remember you in short pants going to school, shy, quiet and not much to say.

Then as a teenager, you were a ‘rocker’ on your motor bike with your friends and their bikes, congregating outside the gate, reving and tinkering with the bikes. Your longer hair growing more wavey. Our poor mum must have been demented with worry.

 Then as a single dad, you did your best with four small kids to rear.

 I remember the times I visited you in your flats, when the family had left home. You had found your voice and were no longer shy and reserved.

You loved the horses and the whiskey too. (just like dad) and John, you could show your caring side when you wanted to because you were a big softy at heart.

You cleaned windows for many a year until you confessed to growing old and having creaky knees.

As the years went on, you developed a kinship with our brother Colin and became good friends.

You were strong John and nobody’s fool as you knew your limitations and kept your independence.

John, thank you for being my older brother, you made me proud and you have my respect.

Thank you for your love and friendship.

 I know that you are with mum and dad now and I wish you eternal peace and happiness and abounding love.

Goodbye my brother, until we meet again.

Further Change

After settling down into a new phase in life, another one rears its head, but this is a good next phase as my husband John, has decided to retire next March, so both of us will be fancy free. Of course it will bring new major changes as we have always said that when we no longer have work commitments, we will downsize to a smaller house in a new area. Now we will need to decide where we want to live as where we live, will no longer be dictated by commuting time or school access. The problem is - what does downsizing really mean?. In my case, it probably only means one less bedroom as it is useful and sometimes necessary to have extra space!

It is important to have something useful to do when you are retired, in order to keep the mind agile and the body active. My hobbies are dressmaking and oil painting and John has decided to try his hand at making the 'flies' used when fly fishing. We could eventually both sell our creations at craft fayres, side by side. At a recent craft fayre there was a man who had retired and put all his time into his hobby of painting which he was selling and they were excellent, but his poor wife was a 'painting widow' as his hobby took over all his time. I can relate to that because when I paint, I become so absorbed in what I am doing that time passes without my knowing. John and I should be well suited if we both have separate hobbies to occupy our time and he also wants to test his joinery skills in making garden furniture and accessories and of course, he will be able go fishing more often. So 2013 will hopefully be a lucky year for us both as we certainly have a few big decisions to make.

Christmas fayres are in full swing now and I'm busy trying to finish all my Christmas shopping before we set sail on our cruise next month. I'm looking forward to 2013 when John and I will be able to please ourselves for the first time in 41 years.

Circles

Life is a massive circle, going round and round in never ending cycles. Circles in the universe as planets orbit and spin on themselves, continuing life and death cycles, seasons coming round again, and so the list goes on. As I approach my sixtieth birthday next month, I am more aware of the effect of these circles or life's patterns that are similar across any generation. My least favourite age was as I approached thirty, the jump from being twenty nine to thirty was like a chasm, when youth would be lost in one fell swoop! Being forty was no big deal however, it came and went fairly quietly but my fiftieth birthday was the first time I really thought about getting old and viewed as such by my peers. Now as my sixtieth birthday rears its head, I feel a little bemused by it all.

I live in a world where appearance is king and so many people and media programmes are consumed with the need to retain youth and all its promises, well what a load of rubbish. Yes, getting older is cruel on the body but there are so many advantages that really can outweigh the negatives. A bit like a fine wine, a seasoned building, an experienced life that has learnt from mistakes and mishaps. There is currently an e-book at number one called 'Thursdays in the Park', which is about a sixty year old finding a new romance http://www.amazon.co.uk/Thursdays-in-the-Park-ebook 
It features older people rather than perfectly groomed and stick thin twenty somethings.

I feel privileged to be sixty, I have my own opinions, I can see pitfalls and I recognise the circles in life to beware or change for the better. There are some grumpy old people but equally, there are grumpy people in all generations. Being sixty today is very different from being sixty a few decades ago. I am not required to grow old gracefully or retire to my armchair, I intend to look for the new shoots and nurture growth, rather than be constrained within the circle of 'autumn years'.

Yes, the skin I life in, is growing old, but inside this skin is a comfort, a serenity and a wisdom that has been earned through experience in the various cycles and circles of the last six decades. So next  month, I will set off towards the Caribbean sun to celebrate my age, I will raise my glass to this new decade, and continue in another circle of life and to enjoy the current cycle in which I live.

Cheers!