My Brother John

My brother John

You have always been a part of my life, from me being born to growing old.

I remember you in short pants going to school, shy, quiet and not much to say.

Then as a teenager, you were a ‘rocker’ on your motor bike with your friends and their bikes, congregating outside the gate, reving and tinkering with the bikes. Your longer hair growing more wavey. Our poor mum must have been demented with worry.

 Then as a single dad, you did your best with four small kids to rear.

 I remember the times I visited you in your flats, when the family had left home. You had found your voice and were no longer shy and reserved.

You loved the horses and the whiskey too. (just like dad) and John, you could show your caring side when you wanted to because you were a big softy at heart.

You cleaned windows for many a year until you confessed to growing old and having creaky knees.

As the years went on, you developed a kinship with our brother Colin and became good friends.

You were strong John and nobody’s fool as you knew your limitations and kept your independence.

John, thank you for being my older brother, you made me proud and you have my respect.

Thank you for your love and friendship.

 I know that you are with mum and dad now and I wish you eternal peace and happiness and abounding love.

Goodbye my brother, until we meet again.

Further Change

After settling down into a new phase in life, another one rears its head, but this is a good next phase as my husband John, has decided to retire next March, so both of us will be fancy free. Of course it will bring new major changes as we have always said that when we no longer have work commitments, we will downsize to a smaller house in a new area. Now we will need to decide where we want to live as where we live, will no longer be dictated by commuting time or school access. The problem is - what does downsizing really mean?. In my case, it probably only means one less bedroom as it is useful and sometimes necessary to have extra space!

It is important to have something useful to do when you are retired, in order to keep the mind agile and the body active. My hobbies are dressmaking and oil painting and John has decided to try his hand at making the 'flies' used when fly fishing. We could eventually both sell our creations at craft fayres, side by side. At a recent craft fayre there was a man who had retired and put all his time into his hobby of painting which he was selling and they were excellent, but his poor wife was a 'painting widow' as his hobby took over all his time. I can relate to that because when I paint, I become so absorbed in what I am doing that time passes without my knowing. John and I should be well suited if we both have separate hobbies to occupy our time and he also wants to test his joinery skills in making garden furniture and accessories and of course, he will be able go fishing more often. So 2013 will hopefully be a lucky year for us both as we certainly have a few big decisions to make.

Christmas fayres are in full swing now and I'm busy trying to finish all my Christmas shopping before we set sail on our cruise next month. I'm looking forward to 2013 when John and I will be able to please ourselves for the first time in 41 years.

Circles

Life is a massive circle, going round and round in never ending cycles. Circles in the universe as planets orbit and spin on themselves, continuing life and death cycles, seasons coming round again, and so the list goes on. As I approach my sixtieth birthday next month, I am more aware of the effect of these circles or life's patterns that are similar across any generation. My least favourite age was as I approached thirty, the jump from being twenty nine to thirty was like a chasm, when youth would be lost in one fell swoop! Being forty was no big deal however, it came and went fairly quietly but my fiftieth birthday was the first time I really thought about getting old and viewed as such by my peers. Now as my sixtieth birthday rears its head, I feel a little bemused by it all.

I live in a world where appearance is king and so many people and media programmes are consumed with the need to retain youth and all its promises, well what a load of rubbish. Yes, getting older is cruel on the body but there are so many advantages that really can outweigh the negatives. A bit like a fine wine, a seasoned building, an experienced life that has learnt from mistakes and mishaps. There is currently an e-book at number one called 'Thursdays in the Park', which is about a sixty year old finding a new romance http://www.amazon.co.uk/Thursdays-in-the-Park-ebook 
It features older people rather than perfectly groomed and stick thin twenty somethings.

I feel privileged to be sixty, I have my own opinions, I can see pitfalls and I recognise the circles in life to beware or change for the better. There are some grumpy old people but equally, there are grumpy people in all generations. Being sixty today is very different from being sixty a few decades ago. I am not required to grow old gracefully or retire to my armchair, I intend to look for the new shoots and nurture growth, rather than be constrained within the circle of 'autumn years'.

Yes, the skin I life in, is growing old, but inside this skin is a comfort, a serenity and a wisdom that has been earned through experience in the various cycles and circles of the last six decades. So next  month, I will set off towards the Caribbean sun to celebrate my age, I will raise my glass to this new decade, and continue in another circle of life and to enjoy the current cycle in which I live.

Cheers!

Christmas Is Coming

Busy at the moment making Christmas gifts and toys for three upcoming local Christmas fayres. I love having a stall at fayres, not that I make much money but the fellow stallholders I meet and some of their stories are very interesting. People who just love doing what they do, not to make a fortune but to spend their time doing things that make them happy. How many people can truly say that they have their dream job?

The time of year also makes a difference as hopefully people are seeking that unique gift that doesn't cost a fortune. I have always loved Christmas time and all the preparation. Christmas has always felt special and surrounded by family, makes it the perfect time of year.

When I was a little girl, one Christmas day holds a cherished memory. I was about 7 or 8 years old and I knew I was getting a doll because my mum had bought it at Woolworths for £1.10 shilling or £1.50 in today's money. When it was bought it had no clothes and was in a plastic bag. I was totally unaware that my mum had been busy making clothes for that doll so that when I saw it on Christmas day, it was sat up in a pram, with a wardrobe that any grown woman would have envied. It had knickers, underskirt, a dress and an outer coat with matching bonnet. Mum had also made pram blankets and pillows. I was speechless. I named the doll Jacqueline and I still have her to this day, but sadly, not the clothes. I recently found the clothes pattern that mum must have used and only now am I aware of the time and care it must have taken for her to make that beautiful outfit. I intend to use that same pattern for my granddaughter's dolls.

I hope that I am able to be the maker of a toy or accessory that stays in the memories of another little girl this Christmas day. The photo shows some of my soft toys, 2 soft toy elephants. Please feel free to view a small selection of my gifts by following the links on my web page at  - https://sites.google.com/site/essellartandcrafts/.

Take the time to visit some of the craft fayres and support the people who make wonderful items and gifts

Happy shopping!

Life

Life with its twists and turns, its heartbreaks, its joys.

What is around the corner? What is it that lurks ahead?

A life that rolls on continuously, despite the bumps,

A life that that hits you hard, knocks you off your feet instead.

Got to face the world head on and use the props to support

Try to understand this 'topsy turvy' world at my feet

Another stride, another road. a path that leads me on

With no control nor desire to claim what I may meet.

A period of calm, a troubled phase, who knows? We are what we are,

Tasting the sweet effects and also the sourness of life

Clashes, hurts, comforts, love, churned together, all mixed up

Make sense of your being, amidst the love mixed with the strife.

 

Solutions blurred through misty eyes, a fog refusing to shift,

No directions visible to give guidance in navigating the haze

Clinging to a hope that who I am will carry me through,

A hope that I will soon be guided out of the maze.

There is no choice, get up, dust down, carry on and face the world,

Turn down the dial, turn the corner, turn the other cheek.

Soothe my soul, make clear my way, the path I need to take, 

Brighten my horizon that I may tread wisely in another week.

Lost and Found

I lost my mojo this week. The effect of situations crept up on me like unwelcome stalkers and invaded my space until I couldn't see clearly and lost my direction. Mojo is defined as a magical charm bag used in hoodoo, which is now used as a slang word for self-confidence, self-esteem or sex appeal. I lost my sex appeal a while ago and haven't really missed it but my self confidence and self esteem is a different matter - I wanted those back! I know why I lost my mojo, it was due to a combination of factors that finally outweighed the balance and tipped my life scales into a gloomy phase.

All due to a sad and bad news week. A thirty year old acquaintance who lost his young life to cancer, an eighty year old who gave up his life to suicide, the disgraceful saga of Jimmy Saville, family who are doing other things or who do not contact, the end of summer, or maybe simple biochemistry's ups and downs. It all added up and got the better of me.

Then I remembered the blog I wrote last week and thought I had better put it into practice. So I began to search for my mojo, it couldn't be far away, hidden somewhere, probably right under my nose. I know its a bit early but I thought about the American tradition of thanksgiving or more fitting to this time of year, as it is the end of October and Halloween, I thought about what was growing in my own pumpkin patch. I started to think about my blessings, the good things in life, my future aspirations and expectations. Those life scales began to tip back again as I remembered the positives in my life.

I found my mojo again, it was hidden under the autumn leaves amongst all my blessings. Yes, right under my nose (or rather my feet!). As autumn heralds the start of winter and hibernation, I can confidently be assured that the world continues in its cycle of new growth in the months to come. Life, with its ups and downs, its highs and lows, there are always positive things to cherish when you don't allow them to be hidden by the troubles that life, inevitably also brings.

It is not what is happening externally in the world that is important, but how we internalise situations and events in an attempt to make sense of, and live a meaningful life. That is essential in ensuring that the 'mojo' is never lost to negative influences.
Long live the mojo!

Mind Over Matter

I am fascinated by the power of the mind as it can and does affect everything in the body. There is so much about the brain that is yet to be identified and philosophers still debate whether thought exists inside the body or externally.

Many years ago, I studied health psychology and was introduced to the concept of healing using thoughts. Researchers have proved that people who have positive beliefs, have a state of mind that helps the body to maintain and repair itself. I read how visualisation and meditation have positive healing effects and patients in clinical trials respond to placebo treatment as if they are getting the real drug. The power of the mind can and does affect everything in the body, frequently producing chemical changes that were believed to be only possible through the use of  powerful drugs. Optimists recover better. Long before cognitive behaviour therapy was a treatment of choice, I would help people who attended my stress groups, to retrain their thinking by discussing the effect of positive thinking, resulting in positive outcomes. 

A positive state of mind is linked to all the major religions. Christianity has good and evil concepts, eastern religions are based on positive and negative energies and the Chakras are believed to be energy centres for wellbeing. All these beliefs have the same goal, to gain wellbeing or a state of paradise. In a study of 50 people with advanced lung cancer, those judged to have high "spiritual faith" responded better to chemotherapy and survived longer. The universe began as a thought in the mind of God, those thoughts became words, those words became creation. In the New Testament it states that if you have faith, you can move a mountain.

In years or centuries to come, we will no doubt be educated to use our mind and thoughts with more precision. To gain incredible insights and awareness. I do not envisage that the drug companies will fund this research though!

Maybe, if I begin to meditate and visualise daily, I can rid my face of those advancing wrinkles instead of resorting to plastic surgery. I could ultimately patent the technique and make a fortune. Now that is positive thinking!!

No Change For Females

 

Its official, I’m one of the older generation now as my daytime companion is radio 4! If John Humphries from the early morning ‘Today’ programme tells me the sky is green, I would probably believe him. Woman’s Hour keeps me informed and when I need background noise, the chatter from the radio is ideal. Perhaps it is true that you do turn into your mother because I remember the equivalent to radio 4 being a feature in my teen years as my parents tuned in to the transistor radio. Daughter beware, as she tells me she has migrated from radio 1 to radio 2!

Recently I was listening to radio and TV items about post natal depression, with the aim to educate, increase awareness and concerns. I had quite a serious PND following the birth of my first child over 40 years ago and I am dismayed to hear that relatively little has changed in either awareness, attitudes or treatments.

My own story mirrors those of the mothers who were interviewed in that I had uncontrollable thoughts about injuring my baby. Today there are 1 in 10 mothers who suffer from PND and in all females, 1 in 4 will have some kind of mental illness in their lives. Quite high statistics and not much difference in 40 years. All the mothers interviewed had not voiced their feelings for months as they feared the associated stigma and were concerned that their child would be removed. My intrusive fearful thoughts started the day after my baby was born and I to was so frightened that I told no one and three months went by before I told my husband.

The treatment and medication that I was given are the same today as they were all those years ago and there continues to be an associated stigma. How sad that little has changed, even though there have been major medical advances over the years. If 1 in 4 females will have some kind of mental illness in their lives, that equates to a lot of suffering and high costs, both personal and for the NHS. I recovered with the support of my husband and family but it was five years before I felt comfortable and secure enough to discuss my experience with outsiders. I had an article published by a Mother and Baby magazine about my experience and although that was written in 1977, mothers on the radio interviews could write the same today. How sad. In some areas there are few changes but I hope that in female mental health, there will be more improvements in the next forty years. 

I am so pleased that some things have not changed as I still have the support of my husband and family, of which I am very thankful. One thing that has changed considerably is technology, as I now listen to my radio, not on a transistor but on my ipod sat in its dock.

Shades of Autumn

Autumn has arrived, the leaves are turning into lovely shades of brown and yellow and the nights are getting longer. I can't believe it is now 12 months since I retired.

Had some wonderful news yesterday as my son has been offered his first job since leaving university. When I hear of the millions of young people who are unemployed, I thank God for his opportunity. If I compare the circumstances of those young people who are beginning a career today, to the time when I started my first employment as a cadet nurse in 1969, there are little similarities. In the late 1960's I was easily able to choose my employment, unemployment was a thing of choice with my peers. Now I hear of so many of our young people who desperately want to work but have little opportunity, even if they have a degree. I worked for the same employer for 33 years whereas now, people are no longer committed to lifelong careers but may change careers a few times. I am so relieved that I am now receiving my pension and am not at the beginning of my working life, but I do worry about the prospects for my children in having a decent retirement. They will probably never be able to retire either due to inadequate pensions or government rulings.


As autumn displays its colours, the shops are beginning to stock their Christmas items and my thoughts turn to making Christmas gifts to sell. I have already made two sets of Christmas place mats and matching coasters.  I have a list of ideas and am currently making a Father Christmas soft toy doll. Please feel free to look in my online shop at www.http://folksy.com/shops/essell

 So as I look back over the last twelve months, I feel content in my own 'autumn' years and I look at my four grown up children and they all take my breath away with pride and love.
 Looking forward to the next twelve months.

  

Serenity in Somerset

We had a wonderful, relaxing break in lovely Somerset last week. We stayed in a luxury caravan overlooking the lakes with a short walk to the sea front. Amazingly, the weather was dry but a little windy. Everyday we went swimming in a warm indoor pool, my husband fished to his heart's content and we walked along the seafront. As it was September, it was reasonably quiet and an ideal place to find relaxation by the bucket and spade full.

Whilst my husband fished, I sat at his side either painting the scenes or reading. The swans and Canada geese were our main companions in our peaceful setting. What a difference to the holidays we used to take when time was ordered by the needs of the children. It is only in the last few years that John and I have had time to ourselves and it took me a while to get used to being able to put our needs first but I must admit it is wonderful.

We had a day out at Cheddar Gorge and Caves and it is such an interesting and quaint place. We walked up through the Gorge on the steep road formed by the path of an old river bed that had wound it way down through the cliffs. The caves were formed thousands of year ago and the inner rock formations and stalagmites and stalactites were formed by the actions of water.



We had never been to Somerset before and I recommend this lovely part of the country. We enquired about buying one of the mobile homes but decided that it was far to expensive to maintain on a yearly basis as the site fees and added extras were too costly. Compared to the same costs in France, it is more worthwhile to buy in another country. Good old Britain, you can always count on the economy to put a damper on things!!

Speaking of 'damper on things', we returned home to storms, floods and cold. Ah well, we can now sit and plan for our next holiday to the Caribbean to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. Yeh man!

Sorry is a Sorry Word!

I need to get onto my soap box this week as I am dismayed that society does not appear to learn from past mistakes.It is said that you learn by your mistakes but it is evident from recent events that our society does not learn but merely repeats wrongdoings over and over again. Working in health care education, I know of many instances where care has improved owing to an alteration of behaviour, due to learning and implementing that learning.

 The Hillsborough report is a harrowing read but it has finally unearthed the truth and exposed deceipt, poor leadership and inept professional services. This was a disaster waiting to happen and although initial reactions were understandable in that football did not have a good reputation and it was presumed that it was a pitch invasion and needed to be controlled, the eventual reaction to a major disaster was inexcusable. It appears that all services, not just one,reacted poorly and caused a chain of events that resulted in a greater number of deaths. The disgraceful wrong accusations and deflection of the truth in order to escape accountability, has damaged not only the grieving families, but our society. We should hang our heads in shame that it has taken 23 years for this truth to emerge and 96 families have had open wounds, compounded by the lies and cover ups.

We have not learnt as the recent Leveson inquiry demonstrated. This inquiry investigated the culture, practices and ethics of the media, examining the relationship of the press with the public, police and politicians. Similar practices of deceit and corruption emerge and as Leveson asks, who indeed 'guards the guardians?' You may expect this type of wrongdoings from an undeveloped country with despot leaders but surely not in civilised Britain. 

Apologies are now being uttered from a host of people or organisations as practices are exposed, but these apologies should have been offered before the spotlight exposed the deed. We are all accountable for our own actions and now this spotlight shines on the people or organisations who should take responsibility for their actions and put to right an injustice that has hovered over society for far too long.

More important now is the need to learn and assimilate that learning but instead we continue to have a tendency to repeat wrongs so how can we teach our children to respect and behave accordingly when they have poor role models from our leaders and 'gaurdians'? 

I have made many mistakes in my life as a mother, as a wife and as a person  but I hope I have learnt from them and improved. Where I have not, I apologise and can only strive to do better. I hope and pray that as a society we can do the same.